Monday, 16 March 2009

A person like other people

At the rock pub on Friday there were no bands playing so I just sat at the bar and drank and watched people. It's funny (slash annoying) but when I need a drink I just wait for a male barman before I try to get served. There is a barmaid that will serve me…one that sometimes serves me, and one that never serves me. When I'm the only person at the bar that wants a drink she always has something more important to find to do…like her eyeballs need bleaching.

While awaiting a drink one time there was a girl sat to the right of me waiting too. Scars in her forearm that I wanted to run my fingers over like a stylus, reading her emotions' archives that have been permanently stored for all to see but few to read. She was right-handed like me as her scars were on her left arm. Like me. Perfectly perpendicular to the bone, parallel to each other. She later on sat to my left and, unusually, I saw some scars on her right arm but they were quite small.

Later on the barmaid who will serve me tried to get me talking to another girl. I think. She probably sees me as a shy loner, but I left soon after.

In a vain attempt to make social interaction "the norm" I decided to leave my comfort zone when required. On Saturday I actually had a conversation with my comic guy, whereas I usually just buy my comics and leave. It was the "Watchmen" movie that gave me an "in" and led me to talk about something I enjoy…movies. He seemed to be quite receptive to my attempts at socialisation and bade me a rather gushing valediction.

I did fail somewhat after that as it was a workmate's birthday and I promised myself I'd go to their do, but I didn't. I played XBOX instead.

On Sunday I did attend a local music club. There is a girl there who I like and she always makes a point of coming to talk to me. My Asperger's makes it hard for me to make small talk as it is…but compounded with the issues that many red-blooded males have, I really do fail rather badly when talking to girls I find attractive. Instead I spent the whole night thinking of things I should have said. No doubt when I next meet her I'll have forgotten them all and we'll be back to square one.

1 comment:

Beastinblack said...

Indeed, and even if you do make an impression, how on earth would you know?