I couldn't tell you the number of times I've heard someone on TV say how their mum is their best friend, or their daughter is their best friend. People I know who have siblings are also seemingly enamoured with them. To me, though…my family are no different from any other people.
I have no contact at all with my siblings. My brother makes the occasional attempt at communication around Christmas and my Birthday and I reciprocate purely because I am mirroring the effort he makes. I have no contact whatsoever with my sister. Not even around Christmas or birthdays. My parents call me once a week (sometimes I even answer the phone) but if it wasn't for their weekly phone call, if I'm honest, I'd have no contact with them either.
The perfect family relationship for me would be to have no contact with any of my family ever. There you go, I've written it down, I've said it. Don't I just sound like a horrible person? But I'm not…I can't help how I feel. I just hate being forced to communicate with people on their terms. I'm dreading what will happen when one of my parents passes away. I'm so scared about how I'll feel about it. I hope to God that some primordial instinct will kick in and I'll feel sadness and grief like everyone else does. Because if it doesn't and I have to fake these things I think that would seriously push me over the edge.
I know I sound cold-hearted and horrible, but I just can't seem to really connect with anyone, even my own family. To me they're just people.