Thursday, 22 September 2011

Transient Man

My recent life upheaval is odd. Here I am, hating change but going through a change that is huge, and doing it voluntarily. At these times I always think back to my diagnosis when it was put to me that I had actually moved a few times, and for someone with Asperger's Syndrome (AS) that is unusual. I said that sometimes you just have to do what you have to do...and now is one of those times. Am I hating every second? Yes. Am I feeling incredibly anxious, worried and fearful? Yes. But, like going to the dentist, I know these are short-term concerns and within a month, two maximum, I'm sure I'll be over it and back to normal.

The strange thing is that when people hear what I'm doing they say things like "that's really brave", "what a big change", "I couldn't do that" and so on. I don't know if they're being polite saying these things, or if they mean them. When I think about it rationally...I'm in my late thirties having lived at a location for 6 years yet I can drop an entire life at the drop of a hat. Is that why people think I am being "brave"? Are they judging my life by their own standards? Are they thinking about what it must be like to leave all the friends and family behind? The upheaval of relocating with their partner, and children, to a new place?

The truth of the matter, of course, is that for me none of these things are an issue. I'm in my late thirties, I have been here 6 years yet have no friends, family or partner. I have nothing and no-one to miss. I am a totally transient human being. A bum with a car and a flat. The things I am stressing about are if I'll find a comic shop and a gym. My mother said to me that I'll have to "start over" and "make new friends". New friends?

I suppose, at a stretch, you could consider this a positive aspect of having AS.


Carole said...

Good luck with your move, I hope it goes smoothly for you.

Maybe rather than making new friends you will make 'some' friends once you settle into your new environment.

My youngest son has AS, at his last school he had no real friends but since he's moved schools he now does have a (small) group of friends, people he has managed to find things in common with. One of them being Gym and the other his online PC games...hopefully the fresh start will bring fresh opportunities for you.

Best wishes x

AS-4-L said...

Every time I move location or job, I always think that maybe this time I'll "fit in" and find friends. After it never really happening, now I just live my life by "what happens, happens".

Ricardo António Alves said...


It's very nice read your reflections. It's a sort of inspiration, though I've only noticed it a few days ago. Thank you.

I'm a portuguese father of a teenage kid of 17 with AS. He's iniciated now college, and I think he's happy with the change from highschool.

Good luck to you.