Thursday, 20 November 2008

Ho ho ho

I hate Christmas. I hate everything about it, from the 3 songs that play on a loop in every store you visit, to the massive queues when you're just there buying a movie to watch at the weekend, to the forced joviality and goodwill to all men. I hate the consumerism.

However I think everyone hates those things, well, a lot of people do anyway. Having Asperger Syndrome (AS) just adds another layer of misery on top. Obviously the queues and the noise in shops mean that shopping for anything is off the agenda until after the January Sales. I'm terribly impractical and a chronic procrastinator so I always leave buying gifts etc to the last second. But the worst thing is having to deal with other people…their wants and needs and expectations. Every year I want to tell people "don't get me anything and I won't get you anything". If I want something I'll buy it. I don't "get anything" from the act of giving or the act of receiving. The only thing I get is stress and anxiety and the fear that people don't like/want what you get them, and having to pretend you like/want what you're given. It's such a sham, why do people do it year after year after year?

Plus nothing is more miserable than being alone on Christmas. AS or not.

It's not just Christmas though, it's my birthday too. I don't tell anyone when it is, mainly because I don't like being the centre of attention, even if it's just 5 minutes of attention. I'd rather not have it. My birthday is just another day. When it is someone's birthday at work it is always made known in advance and there are whip rounds, cards, cakes to be bought, drinks after work that lead on to clubs etc etc. I can do without it all. It's usually not before long that people realise they don't know when my birthday is and ask. I just tell them that I don't celebrate it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hello. It was such a relief to read your blog as it echoes my own feelings about Christmas so well. I share your dislike of the enforced jollity, the crowded shops, the songs played over and over again in public places. It is so mind blowingly awful. Like you I have AS and I am also alone on Christmas Day. Being on my own is the thing I hate most about Christmas. It is such a massive relief when the so called festive season is over.