Tuesday, 21 October 2008

My kind of normal

This morning I had what most people probably consider a normal morning; I had a shower and breakfast. Normally I only shower in the evening, and before I was diagnosed I have to admit I'd only shower every other day. My unusual morning routine was, unfortunately, not quite as it first seemed.

Truth be told, I'm quite depressed at the moment. Last night I got home from work, put the water on for a shower and readied my tea….well, it was a microwave curry so there wasn't any readying. Instead of showering or eating I just drank instead. I drank until I passed out.

I woke up about 6.30am, then drifted in and out of sleep. I got up at 8, turned the water off (it had been on all night), had a shower and had my microwave curry. None of it made me feel any better though. I don't think the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach was hunger. The shower didn't really make me feel awake and fresh either. In fact I felt like a child, woken up at 5am to be hurried and fussed to get to the airport for a cheap price flight. Out of comfort zone and disorientated.

When you have Asperger Syndrome life can often look bleak. Walking around and dealing with people, listening to them talk about their happy lives and happy relationships knowing that you can never have that. That's not for you. Look but don't touch. The world is not your oyster. It can be hard to deal with and depression is never too far away.

1 comment:

mbabbitt said...

I can relate. NTs have no idea how easy normal life is for them. They complain about the stupidest things but don't realize how free they are in their everyday existence.