Double D Dilemma

When I was away, it took me a while to settle into the town I was living, and find things like a good pub to spend time in, reading a book. I visited most a few times, then settled on a particular one. It wasn't too quiet, or too busy. They had decent music on the jukebox, but it wasn't loud. But most of all, the barmaid was pretty hot lol. Not "classically" beautiful, but she was very pretty, lovely auburn hair, great figure. She didn't work every night, only a few a week but I liked to go when she was there.

I normally only stay for one drink and a read of my book, but one particular day I decided to stay for more. There was a group of "lads" in at the bar and it was all very interesting for me. When the barmaid was at the bar they were all trying to chat her up, but quite disrespectfully. I suppose this is the "cheeky" attitude and confidence that men think women like. When the barmaid was away from the bar, collecting glasses and whatnot, the guys would talk about her amongst themselves, again in quite disrespectful tones. I'm not going to moralise on the way they spoke among themselves, as I'd be a liar if I said that I've never had some below-the-belt banter with friends. But it was obvious they all saw her as some kind of prize...literally. Just a notch on the bedpost, made valuable as she was "hard to get". When she returned they'd be asking her if she was single, asking her out for a drink and so on, all advances batted away in a tone that made her consider them disingenuous.

They didn't stay all night and soon left. Two other guys came in, older guys...late 40s maybe. Already so drunk they could barely walk. Propped at the bar they spoke among themselves. Within about two minutes of the barmaid turning up, one of the drunks tottered forward and in a slur asked her if she was "dating". She replied that she wasn't, he then asked if she'd like to go out for a drink with him. Bearing in mind, she is a beautiful girl in her early 30s and he's a drunken wretch, late 40s, face like a road map (google maps, not Apple maps), in a suit I don't doubt he woke up in. She politely declined and said she wasn't looking for a relationship at the moment. "Wha? Pretty girl like you?" he slurred before slinking off the toilet. When he was gone, she explained to his slightly more sober companion that she had been single since starting work at this bar some years ago, that it just put her off men. Having been a fly in a book for the evening I guess I can understand why. Each man was in the bar barely 5 minutes before they were asking her out, all just wanting to fuck the local barmaid. How can you possibly tell who is genuine?

I'm the opposite of these people. Not by choice, but by genetics. It made me think back to a few of my relationships and in a way I wonder if that has actually helped me? The fact that I don't go chasing girls, I don't go asking all and sundry out, draping myself over them and obviously lusting after them. More aloof, I get to know girls and let them get to know me and if things happen then great for me.

Vindication to vilification

I've just finished my first stint of temporary work away from home, coming back on the train at the weekend. It wasn't the best situation, a lot of travelling and not much of a weekend, and spending your evenings in a stray town...but it worked out ok.

I think the most important thing I got was the feedback from the client. There are skills I think I have that make me perfect for this type of work, and the client pretty much named them all when I was finishing up as a reason for why they liked me working there. I enjoyed the work, and the people were good too. They were social and we always went out together at lunchtime. It was good just being in a normal company around normal people again. It gave my confidence a boost too to hear the client say how happy they were with my work.

I had my next piece of work lined up before I finished my last so I knew I'd only have two weeks off in between. I was hoping it would alleviate the anxiety I had between jobs the last time, but it simply replaced one anxiety with another...I had a lot of things to sort out so it has made my time off feel a bit rushed. I also failed to stop descending into quite a negative life pattern. With nothing really to fill the days, and no routine, I just swam around in alcohol. I was a bit more structured last time, but no gym, no book reading...just trying to fill the day with anything until it became a socially-acceptable time to start drinking, and that time got earlier and earlier each day.

I start my next job soon, and while the endless travel is not something I am looking forward to (or finding a place to stay), I am looking forward to getting back to work. Back to a solid daily routine, as without one I just fall apart.