One thing that the analysis of my life has revealed is that I get pleasure from nothing. I simply exist. My life goes on from day to day. Today at work was a big company meeting that everyone laughed their way through and I sat there stony-faced. After work everyone hurried down to the pub, and I went and stood there stony-faced, on the peripheral. People must enjoy this stuff. They must get pleasure from the basic interaction they have with other people. It certainly can't be the conversation as that is functional and bland. Boring.
I can watch a mediocre show on Television and stay the distance, why can't I stand mediocre social gatherings? I guess it is because it is a constant slap in the face for me. A constant reminder of the normality that I will never know. The joys people get in such simple things that will forever elude me, making my life ultimately meaningless.
I stay for one drink (a "social" one...ha!) then head home. I stop by the alcohol shop on the way back because, truth be known, I don't even enjoy my own company. I hate being with other people and I hate being on my own, so drunken oblivion is my only realistic option.