As dead as dead can be

This morning my car was an ex-car. Not even the central-locking worked. Great.

So I took the bus to work and called the breakdown people when I got home. They fired it up and everything is fine, but after running some tests on various things there is something drawing a charge from the battery when it's left off which is why it went flat. Admittedly I hadn't driven it since coming back from work on Friday so I'm not quite sure how long it took to go flat. So the only thing I can do is to start it up each day to hopefully stop it from not starting and get it looked at. I'll phone the garage tomorrow morning when they open and hopefully they can see it quick, or at least take it off my hands and it can sit with them until they look at it as I can do without the paranoia that it'll go flat again on my driveway.

This is just what I need a few weeks before I'm supposed to be driving it back home to see my folks. Needless to say my anxiety levels are through the roof. Work's not helping either by expecting me to work still when I have almost no motivation. And I'm worried about starting my new job. I really don't need this on my plate right now. Add to the fact that it's still a total unknown as to what the problem actually is and it could take minutes or hours to diagnose. It's 9pm and I haven't eaten a single thing all day and I don't even feel hungry. I did nothing at work, I just can't get this car thing off my mind.

So best case scenario is that I call them tomorrow, they say to bring it in, they look at it for a while and fix it. Worst case is that it's dead again tomorrow or they can't see it tomorrow and it dies before they can and I have to get the breakdown people out again. I hate having to "do" things, I hate having to phone people and organise and arrange things. In a way it brings me back to my diagnosis when the psych talked me through a few periods in my life (to address the "people with Asperger's Syndrome (AS) don't like change" issue) and commented that I've gone through some big changes in my life such as changing jobs, moving around the country. My answer to that was "Well…sometimes you just have to." Does having AS mean I have to stay with my parents and never get a job? This is one of those times…I hate having to deal with these things, it makes me anxious as hell, but sometimes you just have to do it. Like those job forms that took me about two weeks to get through…sometimes you just have to get down to it.

Anyway. I'm self-medicating tonight and I'll see what tomorrow brings.